Get Adobe Flash player

Relationship Tip of the Day

For your edification, I have posted some of my Facebook posts about relationships. Jesus asks us to love each other and He loved us, but sometimes the ones we are trying to love make that pretty difficult. I hope you will find some helpful hints to help you love.

In the upcoming days, I’ll be looking for former relationship posts and gathering them here, and then adding new ones as they come to my heart and mind.

December 28th, 2016
Forgiving Offenses and Forgiving Unforgiveness
There are two very difficult situations we sometimes face that have to do with forgiveness. You will likely be relieved to know you aren’t the only one who has experienced these.
 
The first one is how to relate to someone who has clearly done you wrong, but who refuses to apologize. Perhaps we have made attempts to share how painful the person’s actions were to us, but instead of at least a simple, “I’m sorry,” we get a long speech of why it was ok to do what he/she did, sometimes followed with further attacks on our character. What do we do when someone acts as if what they did was no big deal, but expects that our relationship should just go on like everything is perfectly fine? How do we forgive when someone isn’t sorry?
 
The way I’ve dealt with this is to understand that I cannot control other people. I can only control myself. I did my part. I was honest about the offense and sought to make amends even though I was clearly not to blame. That’s my responsibility. Then I have a at first, it may appear to be. This happens when someone has a negative opinion of you or you somehow did something that didn’t meet with his/her approval. Now, you can go to the person and try to talk about it, explain yourself, even apologize, but he/she will just NOT let it go. They refuse to forgive and keep you locked up in a box that reads, “This person is inferior to me.”

choice, will I then live offended and hurt because this person feels justified hurting me or will I forgive from my heart, not only the first offense, but the subsequent offense of not apologizing? Forgiveness is the only peaceful answer. I can’t force someone to be truly sorry. Even a coerced apology would not be enough. So, I simply go on with my life. I will not be held back by other people’s lack of character. When the situation arises again (and it’s almost a guarantee that it will), I simply state my case, “That was offensive,” and then forgive from my heart and leave it be. Amazingly, I have found that when I give the other person room, an apology will eventually follow, and much more sincere than the one I sought to force. I also make sure to accept the apology with grace, a difficult but necessary step.


The second uncomfortable situation isn’t exactly the opposite side of the coin, though
Again, even though it hurts and keeps you from having a clear relationship with this person, it’s not your problem. The person who is holding things against you needs to get over himself/herself, but you can’t force that. Just pray for him/her, and hold your head up high and go on with your life. Continue being kind to this individual even though, clearly ,your kindness is not deserved.
 
I like to think of it in these terms. God forgave us of all of our sins, and we love knowing and living in this grace. Sometimes, though, it is difficult to extend the same grace to those who offend us. “Grace for me, but no grace for you!” It is when we learn to extend grace to those who obviously do not deserve it that we truly find freedom. As we often hear, “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” This does not mean we allow ourselves to become someone’s punching bag, but it does mean that when our toes are stepped upon, and the person who stepped on them isn’t sorry, we forgive anyway. When we step on someone’s toes and apologize, but they choose to remain angry about it, we forgive their unforgiveness. Grace for me and grace for you. When we walk in this state of forgiveness, we live in faith as partakers of the divine nature.
 
Ephesians 4:31-32
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
December 9, 2016  
Give Thanks Instead of Complaining

Instead of complaining, give thanks. Yes, this could apply to our relationship with God, but I’d like you to consider applying this to your relationships with friends, family members or your spouse.

Instead of, “The toast is a little burned,” try, “Thank-you for making me breakfast.” After all, no one is required to make you breakfast, let alone insure your toast is perfect. If you don’t like how the breakfast is made, make it yourself next time.

Instead of, “It’s a little late to be calling,” when the phone rings at 11:00 p.m., say, “How nice of you to call. Is everything ok?” This shows you care.

“What is WRONG with you?” might just as easily be replaced with, “You look great today,” or “Thanks for always being on time for work.” I’m not justifying the bad mood…just pointing out a better way to respond to it.

Yes, I know…there are people in our lives about whom we might be challenged to give thanks. We all have someone in our lives like that, right? Ok…so for that person, since you can’t thank them, INSTEAD of complaining, just simply don’t complain. It’s pretty obvious such a person hears lots of complaints, so for them just not hearing a complaint will feel as good as a thank-you.

For those of you who complain to yourself about yourself…yeah, I know you are out there…when that complaint gets ready to manifest itself, try thanking yourself for something instead. When you look in the mirror, and are tempted to say, “You look like cr@p today,” try, “Good job! You got out of bed. Now, let’s get cleaned up.”

Try this out for a couple days…I am sure you might even enjoy seeing the responses you’ll get, and I know you will feel better about yourself…oh, and by the way, others will feel better around you, too.

Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.

December 4, 2016   
Elderly Wealth

Now that I’m getting older, I’m beginning to see the perspective of the elderly more clearly. Someone might see me, now age 62, in public and come to a number of conclusions based on who-knows-what, but I carry within me a lifetime of joys and heartaches, decades of learning and experience. The “package” that is currently my home might not be the world’s image of perfection, but inside there is a woman full of faith, insight, love, and intelligence. Older people don’t want to be tolerated. They want to be treated with respect. They don’t want to be patronized…patted on the head as someone in need of pity.

I think this isn’t just true of old people. Each person we meet has a history, no matter how short. No, we don’t have time to know every person we see, but we can approach them as those with their own experiences that have contributed to who they are today.

November 22, 2016   
Instead of  “Why?”

Instead of asking “why” your spouse, friend or family member is angry (or any other negative emotion), try this. Ask, “ARE you angry?” No one likes being told how they feel, and often the assumption is incorrect.

The next words you might hear could be, “I’m not angry,” which could save you from an argument. If the person says that he/she is not angry, DO NOT INSIST, “Yes, you ARE!!!” That is just plain unfair. Accept the answer, and go on with your day. Do something nice for Mr. or Mrs. Grumpy, and don’t put wood on the fire.

As the Bible says, “Where no wood is, the fire goes out.” You can’t keep others from stoking the flames, but you can control YOURSELF and refrain.

November 17, 2016   
Accusing Those Who Disagree

Dear Christian Brothers and Sisters,

Will you please stop accusing your brothers and sisters just because they don’t agree with your political point of view? Jesus gave us ONE, just one commandment and that is to love each other as He loved us. Who is called the “accuser of the brethren”? You know. Stop speaking for him. Perhaps you don’t understand why a believer in Jesus would vote the way he/she did. Ok. Fine. But when you perpetuate hate and sew discord, you fail Christ.

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love, does not know God for God is love,” (1 Jn. 4:7,8)

October 26, 2016   
Shutting Down Conversation

 

If someone accuses someone of inappropriate behavior, good for them…if it’s true, of course. Have you noticed, though, that if that person defends himself/herself, he’ll/she’ll be labeled as having “anger issues” or being “passive aggressive”. Labeling someone is a common tactic for shutting down speech.

 

September 23, 2015   
We Are Not “All the Same”

 

When I was young, I used to think that all human beings were basically the same. Now that I’m wiser, I know this to not be true. There are some people I simply don’t understand. They go through life completely differently than I do. What vanity it would be on my part to try and convert them to my way of processing life (though I really think they should). When we discover this, we can also find freedom in knowing we don’t have to understand someone to love them. That’s what acceptance is. “I don’t ‘get’ you, but I choose to love you ‘as is’.”

 

November 13, 2012  
Happily Married MAN

 

 

Dear Wives,

 

Women want their husbands to “behave like a man” thinking that the best way to do this is to treat him like a child! Trust me as someone who has been married nearly 37 years. It doesn’t work. Either you will end up with a beaten down whimpy baby who can’t function without your direction or face a revolution.

No one likes to be told what to do, but men are especially resistant. It’s in their DNA. If you want your husband to behave like a man, treat him like one. Stop telling him to pick up after himself and to do his chores. Forsake punishments and manipulation. Instead of demanding love, give it.

If you believe there is a God in heaven, then stop trying to be Him. God will do a much better job at improving your hubby than you ever could imagine.

Will your life really be ruined if the garbage doesn’t get emptied on time, or God forbid, YOU have to take it out? Consider what I am saying, someone who has “been there and done that”.

Sincerely,

The Wife of a Happily Married MAN

 

November 19, 2010   
Wedding Proposal for a Lemon Meringue Pie

 

 

If someone makes you a lemon meringue pie this holiday season, thank them profusely. If it is also a very good pie, give them more thanks and hugs galore. If you are single and she is single, fellows, I suggest a marriage proposal. Lemon meringue pie takes SO MUCH TIME, and anyone who makes one sincerely loves the one for whom it is intended.

 

November 4, 2010   
I Am NOT a Man

Today I am thankful for my husband who understands that I am not, do not want to be, am incapable of being, wouldn’t know how to be, do not think like, am not as physically strong as…a man. I think most marriages would improve immediately if we simply accepted that our spouse is not our gender. My husband might not understand women, but at least he knows I am one, and doesn’t expect me to act like a man.

Galatians 2:21