Relationship Tip of the Day
For your edification, I have posted some of my Facebook posts about relationships. Jesus asks us to love each other and He loved us, but sometimes the ones we are trying to love make that pretty difficult. I hope you will find some helpful hints to help you love.
In the upcoming days, I’ll be looking for former relationship posts and gathering them here, and then adding new ones as they come to my heart and mind.
December 28th, 2016
Forgiving Offenses and Forgiving Unforgiveness
choice, will I then live offended and hurt because this person feels justified hurting me or will I forgive from my heart, not only the first offense, but the subsequent offense of not apologizing? Forgiveness is the only peaceful answer. I can’t force someone to be truly sorry. Even a coerced apology would not be enough. So, I simply go on with my life. I will not be held back by other people’s lack of character. When the situation arises again (and it’s almost a guarantee that it will), I simply state my case, “That was offensive,” and then forgive from my heart and leave it be. Amazingly, I have found that when I give the other person room, an apology will eventually follow, and much more sincere than the one I sought to force. I also make sure to accept the apology with grace, a difficult but necessary step.
December 9, 2016
Give Thanks Instead of Complaining
Instead of complaining, give thanks. Yes, this could apply to our relationship with God, but I’d like you to consider applying this to your relationships with friends, family members or your spouse.
Instead of, “The toast is a little burned,” try, “Thank-you for making me breakfast.” After all, no one is required to make you breakfast, let alone insure your toast is perfect. If you don’t like how the breakfast is made, make it yourself next time.
Instead of, “It’s a little late to be calling,” when the phone rings at 11:00 p.m., say, “How nice of you to call. Is everything ok?” This shows you care.
“What is WRONG with you?” might just as easily be replaced with, “You look great today,” or “Thanks for always being on time for work.” I’m not justifying the bad mood…just pointing out a better way to respond to it.
Yes, I know…there are people in our lives about whom we might be challenged to give thanks. We all have someone in our lives like that, right? Ok…so for that person, since you can’t thank them, INSTEAD of complaining, just simply don’t complain. It’s pretty obvious such a person hears lots of complaints, so for them just not hearing a complaint will feel as good as a thank-you.
For those of you who complain to yourself about yourself…yeah, I know you are out there…when that complaint gets ready to manifest itself, try thanking yourself for something instead. When you look in the mirror, and are tempted to say, “You look like cr@p today,” try, “Good job! You got out of bed. Now, let’s get cleaned up.”
Try this out for a couple days…I am sure you might even enjoy seeing the responses you’ll get, and I know you will feel better about yourself…oh, and by the way, others will feel better around you, too.
Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.
December 4, 2016
Elderly Wealth
Now that I’m getting older, I’m beginning to see the perspective of the elderly more clearly. Someone might see me, now age 62, in public and come to a number of conclusions based on who-knows-what, but I carry within me a lifetime of joys and heartaches, decades of learning and experience. The “package” that is currently my home might not be the world’s image of perfection, but inside there is a woman full of faith, insight, love, and intelligence. Older people don’t want to be tolerated. They want to be treated with respect. They don’t want to be patronized…patted on the head as someone in need of pity.
I think this isn’t just true of old people. Each person we meet has a history, no matter how short. No, we don’t have time to know every person we see, but we can approach them as those with their own experiences that have contributed to who they are today.
November 22, 2016
Instead of “Why?”
Instead of asking “why” your spouse, friend or family member is angry (or any other negative emotion), try this. Ask, “ARE you angry?” No one likes being told how they feel, and often the assumption is incorrect.
The next words you might hear could be, “I’m not angry,” which could save you from an argument. If the person says that he/she is not angry, DO NOT INSIST, “Yes, you ARE!!!” That is just plain unfair. Accept the answer, and go on with your day. Do something nice for Mr. or Mrs. Grumpy, and don’t put wood on the fire.
As the Bible says, “Where no wood is, the fire goes out.” You can’t keep others from stoking the flames, but you can control YOURSELF and refrain.
November 17, 2016
Accusing Those Who Disagree
Dear Christian Brothers and Sisters,
Will you please stop accusing your brothers and sisters just because they don’t agree with your political point of view? Jesus gave us ONE, just one commandment and that is to love each other as He loved us. Who is called the “accuser of the brethren”? You know. Stop speaking for him. Perhaps you don’t understand why a believer in Jesus would vote the way he/she did. Ok. Fine. But when you perpetuate hate and sew discord, you fail Christ.
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love, does not know God for God is love,” (1 Jn. 4:7,8)
October 26, 2016
Shutting Down Conversation
If someone accuses someone of inappropriate behavior, good for them…if it’s true, of course. Have you noticed, though, that if that person defends himself/herself, he’ll/she’ll be labeled as having “anger issues” or being “passive aggressive”. Labeling someone is a common tactic for shutting down speech.
September 23, 2015
We Are Not “All the Same”
When I was young, I used to think that all human beings were basically the same. Now that I’m wiser, I know this to not be true. There are some …people I simply don’t understand. They go through life completely differently than I do. What vanity it would be on my part to try and convert them to my way of processing life (though I really think they should). When we discover this, we can also find freedom in knowing we don’t have to understand someone to love them. That’s what acceptance is. “I don’t ‘get’ you, but I choose to love you ‘as is’.”
Dear Fellow Citizens of the World,
Please allow me today to share with you information that will change your relationship with the opposite gender. If you reject this truth, you will suffer.
Men, women are not men.
Women, men are not women.
Yes, personalities do play a role in who we are, but women do not think like men and men do not think like women. You may not like this, but it is true. If you think it’s not right and that someone should think and respond as you do, you are doomed to forever be frustrated. Accept it. No, I’m not saying being a man or a woman is an excuse for behaving like an idiot. I’m not saying our gender is the cause of everything that’s wrong with us. I’m just saying that we are not the same.
Learn to celebrate the differences. Learn to capitalize on the strengths of the opposite gender. DON’T INSIST THAT SOMEONE BE YOU. It’s just not rational.
I rest my case.
Understand this, and you are on the road to better relationships with the opposite gender
Marriage/friendship is about giving and receiving, not demanding and expecting. How many painful years I was married without living out this truth! Yet how much better life and marriage has been now that I have this understanding.
November 13, 2012
Happily Married MAN
Dear Wives,
Women want their husbands to “behave like a man” thinking that the best way to do this is to treat him like a child! Trust me as someone who has been married nearly 37 years. It doesn’t work. Either you will end up with a beaten down whimpy baby who can’t function without your direction or face a revolution.
No one likes to be told what to do, but men are especially resistant. It’s in their DNA. If you want your husband to behave like a man, treat him like one. Stop telling him to pick up after himself and to do his chores. Forsake punishments and manipulation. Instead of demanding love, give it.
If you believe there is a God in heaven, then stop trying to be Him. God will do a much better job at improving your hubby than you ever could imagine.
Will your life really be ruined if the garbage doesn’t get emptied on time, or God forbid, YOU have to take it out? Consider what I am saying, someone who has “been there and done that”.
Sincerely,
The Wife of a Happily Married MAN
Parenting Tip: Don’t yell at your children. It sets a very bad example. I gets you all worked up, and you end up apologizing for yelling and the lesson that needed to be learned gets lost. Also, Mom and Dad, don’t yell at each other in front of your children. Not only does it set a bad example for how to deal with conflict, it makes their world unstable. Have your “discussions” in private.
November 19, 2010
Wedding Proposal for a Lemon Meringue Pie
If someone makes you a lemon meringue pie this holiday season, thank them profusely. If it is also a very good pie, give them more thanks and hugs galore. If you are single and she is single, fellows, I suggest a marriage proposal. Lemon meringue pie takes SO MUCH TIME, and anyone who makes one sincerely loves the one for whom it is intended.
November 4, 2010
I Am NOT a Man
Today I am thankful for my husband who understands that I am not, do not want to be, am incapable of being, wouldn’t know how to be, do not think like, am not as physically strong as…a man. I think most marriages would improve immediately if we simply accepted that our spouse is not our gender. My husband might not understand women, but at least he knows I am one, and doesn’t expect me to act like a man.